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I have been online dating since the 90s. In spite of all of my long-term relationships, I have had a persistent online presense on dating websites for a very long time. It was always felt weird that more people knew me than I knew them. With the fact that my face has been plastered on dating websites since before most internet users were alive, makes the idea that someone recognizes my face more than the other way around seems more palpable. Most of my long term relationships came outside of online dating, but my exposure to single women has its numerosity in the online dating world.
Being in the center of the age range for adults, or half-way to dead as I like to morbidly joke, I get to personally communicate with women from 18-50 years old. I would say those are hard numbers because very few women start families at 50, and slightly more so on the lower number spectrum. The real age range is buffered in a few points on each side, and in my current state of identity, the ideal age is somewhere between 24-42. I am an open and honest guy who finds interest in how people perceive the world, I have been fortunate to pick the brains of any of the women I have been privileged to grace their presence.
The online dating world changed drastically with the advent of Tinder. Tinder, like uber, set out to fuck up the whole system that was working perfectly fine for the majority of people. Most of the time taxicabs were an efficient way to get from point A to point B. Due to the manor by which people complain, the 1 in a 100 rides that went poorly were publicized 1000x more than the 99 decent rides. The same can be said about the state of dating apps before Tinder. The idea that an utterly unique, miracle of life can be merely dismissed for all eternity with a swipe is such an arrogant concept; such an egotistical notion of grandiosity, that I long for the return of a real online profile. But, nobody reads. The meme is a creation to make the illiterate politically motivated.
Previous to Tinder, only the best looking women, (and men I presume but can’t verify because I have only sought after the female form) would dare post only a profile pic to the ancient websitian texts of thespark.com (the precursor to OKCupid). Thanks to Tinder, the race to the bottom provides less and less about the person. What we are left with is a sea of people’s best features, with the rare noob trying to skate by without learning the tricks that all women use. What I am going to do in this article is explain a few ways that men try to game the system in their favor, and I have a great example of women trying to reach for the stars so they can land on the moon.
First off, it’s a numbers game! Well, not in the real world, unless you are a self-labeled pick up artist, you are not going to have a bivariate analytical study correlating your attempts with your success. In the real world there are unforseen variables that dictate one person’s attractiveness to another. Thanks to Tinder, we can turn a multivariate equation into a bivariate – I like her, I swipe right, she likes me, she swipes right, we get connected, then the 6 million reasons in favor or against make the numbers game quantum physics. However, online, the numbers game is real. Women tend to only use one app at a time. And why would they need to use more than one app when they receive as much as 25x more messages than equivalent men?
Men, on the other hand, must diversify their time to reach the same exposure as women. Men who are actively looking will become depressed, dejected, and will think they have no options if they are only using one app. That study was from 2009, and 10 years has changed so many things about online dating. Catfish the tv show came out for one – so all the women who were nervous about the potential for sexual assault could commiserate against guys who would get duped by some girl who wasn’t who she said she was. It was terrible show that highlighted the shitty things people can do. In 10 years, the balance of power in the dating world shifted from the majority of people weary to meet in real life to the majority of people are now getting married to a person they met on a dating app. Those men may have met that one girl on that one app, but he was using multiple apps to find her. Women on the other hand, will only switch apps once they get overwhelmed. This is the common explanation that many straight female friends have described the online dating scene. Women complain of dick picks, creepy guys just wanting to fuck, and straight up ugly dudes (of which women are assholes and think 80% of guys are unattractive!)
So, if right off the bat, you have 2 of 10 chance of any woman finding you attractive, you better bump those numbers up! Those are rookie numbers. Guys have to cast a wide net because what a female considers attractive varies so widely. Women on the other hand, are drowning in a sea of negativity. I want to show you what online female negativity looks like:
We see here the standard defensive response when someone is called out on their bullshit. It was an inevitable conclusion, and I’m going to go into detail of why I decided to claim the asshole tag in order to get something off my chest. I hurt this woman. She has a child, it was literally the only thing on her profile. I have heard the quote, “Being 6ft tall isn’t a personality” and I would say it is equivalent to saying “Having a child isn’t a personality” but we know that isn’t true. They are both equally relevant to one’s personality. If that were a 6ft tall woman, her worldview would be drastically different than if a man gave birth to a baby.
As I said, I played the asshole card in order to play a game with myself – am I right about the fact that this is a lonely, fat, single mother who reached out to me on a Tuesday morning, and has less redeeming qualities than I do? I am a fattist, and I am a fattist even when I am fat, because it is one of the few attractive features that humans can control. Outside of serious chemo-physical ailments, we are in control of how much weight we gain or lose. It is completely voluntary, and here’s the bombshell, both guys and girls are attracted to the entire spectrum! Aside from the fact that women find most men repulsive, most men find most women at least fuckable. If you can’t be handsome, you might as well be handy!
I knew where the conversation was going to go. She would have tried to arrange a date where we would meet amicably in between the one hour drive, I would watch a bowling ball of a woman roll into the Chili’s or whatever big box restaurant of her choosing, and I would make nice until I was either so drunk that I could pump myself up for a romp where certain positions are physically impossible, or leave in expectation to never see the person again. But I guess that between this girl and the trans person that last messaged me on the dating app Bumble, where the female must message first, I should feel a huge boost in self-esteem because a pretty face with a child messaged me at 9am on a Tuesday.
Truth be told, I would have been more attracted to this girl, and far less of an asshole, if she had simply shown more than just her face, and explained how her kid is her world. I would fucking hope your kid is your world, if you had said, “I got a kid, but fuck him, momma’s gonna go get fucked up and laid!” I don’t think many guys would be in it for the long haul. We assume you love your child more than anything, that is the selfish egotistical attitude that likely caused her divorce…sorry… split with her baby-daddy. I didn’t make the mistake of popping out a fuck-trophy when I was in my 20s, but now I’m forced to either be lonely, or a stepfather?
She knows that she has limited her options. She also knows that, as I said to her in the messages, her personal neglect is apparent in the pictures she chose. Women take multiple selfies a day, and they will continue to hunt for the angles
Why did I know that her kid was around that age? Because all of the other women on all of these dating apps all have children by 22. I know that my regional location dictates a certain type of person, but Suburbian Americana carries some standardized features. Where I am currently, it is common to see a girl in her early 20s with multiple children, often a toddler, on these dating apps. If you have an 18 month old (the most common age for a mother of 3), when are you going to have time for a date?!
This brings me to the sick, twisted state of the online world. Being an attention whore was once regarded as a negative attribute. If you aren’t an attention whore, you are a recluse, becuase the world needs to be binary. Well, the world isn’t binary, and the vast majority of people reside in the middle. I didn’t mention to this woman I had a conversation with my other assumption – She was in a relationship.
I remember having a conversation on Reddit where a redditor claimed that, “All men are married on Tinder” That is the bold-faced bullshit that an attention whore would say. Now, all of the men she was attracted to, very well could have been married, making her anectdotal evidence carry weight, but not truth. I sometimes forget that women cheat. I never liked the relationship game, so cheating at it never seemed so harsh of a result. There is an old cliche – Men cheat physically, women cheat emotionally. He got depressed! and she got fat! No, when a woman cheats, the relationship had already been over for quite some time. Sometimes it recovers, but scars ruin the face. I don’t think this woman was in a relationship, but I assumed by her quick judgments that she had plenty of options.
Theoretically, having the most options would make us the happiest. Theoretically, people would be able to find what they are looking for through the vast choice that is presented. In reality, everyone is chasing everyone else. The paradox of choice is making the majority of people unhappy. Even if you break it down into 3 categories of ugly, average, attractive – all 3 categories have serious issues. For men, ugly, average, and half of the attractive category are fucked, and are committing suicide via drugs, violence, or loneliness. For women, they are ignored if ugly, thrown dick picks if they are average, and hounded by every single guy if she is attractive.
All of this presumes the shallow physical image of a person. I have a standard philosophy to meet a person as soon as possible. I always hated talking on the phone, and you can write back and forth for a year in what you can learn about a person in 5 minutes if they are standing in front of you. I don’t have advice, because nobody listens. I just call it the way I see it, and what I see is a sexual drought. We have adopted a try before you buy dating logic, which is far superior to the buy before you try model the religions tried to make happen for a few hundred years. In my next post, I will display another wonderful interation I had where instead of me hurting this poor mother’s feelings, I was the asshole for being ghosted. Tune in. Please donate. I’m broke as fuck and once I start back working some shitty labor job, I won’t have time/energy to write as often as I do.